As a young adult I'm constantly given two bits of cliché advice:
- You are your own worst critic.
- Don't care so much what other people think.
In a way, they contradict each other. If you aren't supposed to be your own worst critic, then someone else is supposed to be. Or maybe everyone else. But you're not supposed to care what they think... so... um... where do we go from here?
As a recovering perfectionist in my first real full time job, I'm really experiencing the old adage, You can't please everybody. Accepting that has been tough, but it makes my job so much easier. Thankfully my boss is experienced enough to understand that, and when a parent complains about something I've done, she's always the first to remind me I'm actually doing a good job.
I can't please myself (my own worst critic). I can't please everybody (and I shouldn't care what they think, anyway). I'm learning to just please somebody. One person I care about. One person whose opinion actually matters. I pick my critic– whoever seems most important in that moment.
Cooking a new meal, I pick Brian as my goal to please. Yesterday I made some sweet potatoes in the crock pot and thought they were gross but he liked them, so I'm calling it a success. Planning an event at church, I make sure the new kid is happy and makes a pal. I have a major event coming up in March with two non-members already RSVP'd, so I'm planning for them to be grouped with some nice kids their age, making sure everybody wears name tags, etc.
When I was a dummy, I thought I was supposed to be my own worst critic. Give yourself a break from critiquing yourself, and let someone else take that role. Then decide whether or not you care.
As a recovering perfectionist in my first real full time job, I'm really experiencing the old adage, You can't please everybody. Accepting that has been tough, but it makes my job so much easier. Thankfully my boss is experienced enough to understand that, and when a parent complains about something I've done, she's always the first to remind me I'm actually doing a good job.
I can't please myself (my own worst critic). I can't please everybody (and I shouldn't care what they think, anyway). I'm learning to just please somebody. One person I care about. One person whose opinion actually matters. I pick my critic– whoever seems most important in that moment.
Cooking a new meal, I pick Brian as my goal to please. Yesterday I made some sweet potatoes in the crock pot and thought they were gross but he liked them, so I'm calling it a success. Planning an event at church, I make sure the new kid is happy and makes a pal. I have a major event coming up in March with two non-members already RSVP'd, so I'm planning for them to be grouped with some nice kids their age, making sure everybody wears name tags, etc.
When I was a dummy, I thought I was supposed to be my own worst critic. Give yourself a break from critiquing yourself, and let someone else take that role. Then decide whether or not you care.
I've struggled with perfectionism and trying to please everyone too. I've been reading through the book "When People Are Big and God is Small" with a friend and that has really helped my perspecrive. Thanks for your post. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book recommendation! I'll put it next on my list. It's refreshing to know I'm not the only one with these perfectionist struggles.
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